Bransholme High School (When You’re Not Looking), 1978, Pig Productions. Ian, Dave H., Dave G., Rik and documentary cast, Super 8 mm/DVD transfer; 4 minutes 32 seconds; colour; silent.

A documentary on the subject of contemporary education with dancing and sporting elements. An early outing for the Three Professors, this film assumed historical significance with the demolition of the eponymous institution.

 

Park Street (Blue), 1978, Pig Productions. Dave G., Maggie; Super 8 mm/DVD transfer; 4 minutes 40 seconds; blue saturated colour, silent. Documentary record of the famous Park Street studio complex. Contains the closing diptych effect with Dave G.’s Park Street (Red).

 

AGBO the Movie, 1978, Pig Productions. Agbo, Rik; Super 8 mm/DVD transfer; 6 minutes 42 seconds; colour, silent.

An off-beat parody of ABBA the Movie, featuring two mischievous men running amok in a bleak urban landscape.

 

Tez: Secret Agent, 1978, Pig Productions. Tez, Rik; Super 8 mm/DVD transfer; 4 minutes 57 seconds; colour; silent.

Trench-coated spy (Tez) searches Hull for leather-jacketed villain (Rik) culminating in a thrilling chase sequence around an old dock.

 

The Threat, 1978, Pig Productions. Agbo, Tez, Rik, Mike, Rob, Dave H., Ian, Dave G.; Super 8 mm/DVD transfer; 24 minutes; colour; silent with separate soundtrack.

The first instalment of the much-loved franchise and introducing the Interstellar Vampire (Agbo); this film includes some animated sequences. An alien from Draco 5 kills holidaymakers in a coastal village and town by deftly removing the insides of their bodies and then bizarrely using struts to stop the bags of skin from collapsing. Even three visiting professors can not help the remaining survivors nor escape the Vampire after he emerges from his rocky tomb. The last survivor (Mike) fortuitously finds a tripod on the cliffs and drives one leg through the Vampire’s heart and thus ends the reign of terror.

[The first appearance of the Interstellar Vampire (Agbo)]

 

Field Trip!, 1983, Pig Productions. Dave H., Rik and uncredited cast; super 8 mm/DVD transfer; 6 minutes 25 seconds; colour; silent.

School trip goes horribly wrong. A rare venture into unadulterated horror.

 

A Performance of Hamlet Interrupted By the Appearance of A UFO,

1984, Pig Productions. Puppetry with uncredited voices; 35mm.; 125 minutes; colour; sound.

Shakespearian parody. Limited release.

 

The Threat II, 1985, Pig Productions. Nothing more is known about this lost film. The last known copy disappeared from the Pig Productions archive at the turn of the century. On the B.F.I. 75 most wanted list it has been described as “the Holy Grail of film historians”.

 

The Threat, projected TV series, 1986. Envisaged as a six-part series to be co-produced by Pig Productions and the BBC, it was pulled after the BBC received the first drafts of the scripts. Co-written by Rik and Dave G. and edited by Dave W., this is the story of three people writing and directing a Sci-Fi/occult series for television and featured segments of the alien/demonic invasion series as a show-within-a-show. Only fragments of the scripts now survive but clearly show ideas, scenes and even dialogue were re-cycled in The Threat 2000AD and the Transmutations trilogy. The character of egotist Richard Maze is unsurprisingly believed to be strongly autobiographical.

 

The Threat III: The Curse of the Three-Legged Tripod, 1989, Pig Productions. Agbo, Tez, Rik, Dick, Geoff, Mike and uncredited cast; 27 minutes; 35 mm.; 27 minutes; colour; sound. (The DVD release contains 73 minutes of out-takes including the infamous game-playing sequence.)

Everyman (Dick) visits a coastal village finds a tripod on the cliff. It is the tripod used by Mike to destroy the Interstellar Vampire (Agbo) at the end of the first film. Rick, Tez and Rob (animated) are now vampires themselves and become obsessed with tripods. They steal the tripod from Everyman’s garage. His friend Geoff is bitten by Rob and a visiting exorcist (Mike) cannot save him. Tez, Rik and Rob use a strange ritual to extract the essence of the Interstellar Vampire from the tripod and bring him back to corporeal form.

      [The Interstellar Vampire (Agbo) takes flight after the ritual.]

 

The exorcist disappears. Everyman returns to the coastal village where he is beset by the vampires. He survives every attack but the Interstellar Vampire summons help from Draco 5 and escapes to his home planet.

 

Remote Control, 1990. Pig Productions. Dave H., Maggie, Ian, Rik, Kathy, Dave G., Dave W.; 70 mm; 90 minutes; colour; sound.

Seven disillusioned teachers turn confidence tricksters in an audacious plan to defraud the government of millions. They claim to have invented a machine which can control people’s thoughts. They overcome the natural scepticism of bureaucrats and ministers by passing tests set for the machine. The tests become more difficult as the proposal moves up the chain of command but are met with ingenuity and spending money. The allegorical nature of the caper comedy met with critical distain at the time but the film eerily predicts Britain’s future in the EU and has since acquired cult status.

 

The Death of the Author, 1997, Pig Productions. Geoff, Dick, Mike, Agbo, Rik. Ian, Dave W.; 35 mm; 87 minutes; colour; sound.

Country house murder mystery with Barthian subtext.

 

The Threat 2000AD, 2000, Pig Productions. Agbo, Tez, Dick, Geoff, Rik, Dave G., Dave H., Ian, Dave W. (cameo), Eren (voice), Bill (walk-on part); 35 mm; 18 minutes; colour; sound.

The barren Draco 5 is home to the Interstellar Vampire and his telepathic alien friends Brad and Cindy. The Three Professors in their space station tell of Earth’s domination by the undead. El Presidente (Dick) is the leader of the remnants of the human race. The Three Professors teleport a Transmogrifier down to him.

[El Presidente (Dick) has a Transmogrifier. “Now, at last, the Earth has a chance.”]

 

In time only a few vampires are left untransmogrified. Two of these (Geoff and Tez) call Draco 5 to ask for help. Agbo receives the message from his telepathic pals and returns to Earth. His spaceship crashes due to excessive tyre and brake wear but he wades out of the sea. El Presidente is attacked by Brad (or Cindy) but he flushes it down a toilet. Three Vampires (Geoff, Tez and Rik) are transmogrified back to being human and the Interstellar Vampire is destroyed by one of them (Geoff).

 

Cuernos del Diablo, 2002, Pig Productions (Madrid office). Agbo; 35 mm; 7 minutes 32 seconds; black and white; sound.

Agbo delivers a soliloquy about the nature of evil in Spanish straight to camera. A rare foray into foreign language film production. Limited release.

 

The Threat V, 2005, Pig Productions. Agbo, Tez, Rik, Geoff, Dick, Dave G., Ian, Dave H; 35 mm; 78 minutes; colour; sound.

Worried about the lack of contact with the Interstellar Vampire on Earth the inhabitants of Draco 5 send a clone to Earth and the reign of terror begins all over again. Everyman (he lost the Presidential election) is again holidaying in the Bay but this time he is the first victim of the Interstellar Vampire (Agbo). Other visitors soon follow suit and the body count rises steadily. The film ends with the Interstellar Vampire in triumph, enthroned in the bar of the Bay Hotel.

 

The Threat VI: Saving Everyman, 2006, Pig Productions. Agbo, Tez, Rik, Geoff, Dick, Dave G., Ian, Dave H; 70 mm; 110 minutes; colour; sound.

From their space station the Three Professors launch a rescue bid to free humanity from the Draconian shackles. They are forced to return to Earth and all-out war ensues. The CGI battle scenes won the first Oscar for TEZFX.

 

The Three Professors Meet Their Match, 2007, Pig Productions. Dave G., Ian, Dave H.; 35 mm; 87 minutes; colour; sound.

Three ostensibly sensible lectures are disrupted with irreverent and abusive interruptions to produce a sound collage of almost unbearable pathos.

 

The Threat VII: The Consumer’s Champion, 2009, Pig Productions (?). Dick, Geoff, Agbo, Tez, Rik, Dave G., Ian, Dave H; 70 mm; 90 minutes; colour; sound.

Trading standards officer turns knife-wielding assassin to prevent further counterfeiting of popular brands by rogue manufacturers. For various copywrite reasons it was never released by Pig Productions but was leaked onto the net by the shadowy organisation calling itself ‘Porcine Pictures’.

 

The Threat VIII: Who Prosecutes the Prosecutors?, 2011, Pig Productions., Tez, Dick, Agbo, Geoff, Rik, Dave G., Ian, Dave H; 35 mm; 80 minutes; colour; sound.

Courtroom drama in which a prosecutor turns costumed vigilante to prevent further miscarriages of justice by kangaroo courts.

 

The Threat IX: The Coroner Vs The Body Snatchers, 2014, Pig Productions. Rob, Agbo, Tez, Mike; 35 mm; 78 minutes; colour; sound.

Coroner turns vigilante to prevent further depredations from city morgue.

 

The Threat X: The Plot Twister’s Last Twist, 2016, Pig Productions. Agbo, Mike, Tez, Rik, Geoff, Dick, Dave G., Ian, Dave H; 70 mm; 126 minutes; colour; sound.

Vigilante goes into deep cover in a University Humanities Faculty to prevent further corruption of media texts by self-referential in-jokes and subverted genre conventions. Culminates in a spectacular chase sequence through a series of ‘Russian Doll’ post-modern realities. Includes the now infamous scene featuring the Three Professors driving unmarked jalopies through a live minefield.

 

In pre-production:

The Threat XI: Acts of Barbarism in a City of Culture.